"WOMAN AT THE WELL"...

"I am a woman of no distinction...of little importance. I am a woman of no reputation...save that which is bad. You whisper as I pass by and cast judgmental glances, though you dont really take the time to look at me, or even get to know me.

                             For to be known is to be loved, and to be loved is to be known.

Otherwise, whats the point in doing either one of them in the first place? I WANT TO BE KNOWN. I want someone to look at my face and not just see two eyes, a nose, a mouth and two ears; But to see that i am.. and could be all my hopes, loves and fears.

But thats too much to hope for.. to wish for.. or pray for. So i don't... not anymore. Now i keep to myself, and by that i mean the pain that keeps me in my own private jail.. the pain thats brought me here at midday to this well.

No ask for a drink passing from these hands to your lips could ever be refreshing...only condemning, as I'm sure you condemn me now.. But you don't.

You're a man of no distinction; Though of utmost inportance. A man with little reputation, at least so far. You whisper and tell me to face what all those glances have been about, and you take the time to really look at me... but don't need to get to know.

                                    For to be known is to be loved, and to be loved is to be known.

And you know me. You actually know me; all of me and everything about me. Every thought inside, and hair on top of my head; Every hurt stored up... every hope... every dread.. My past and my future, all i am and could be. You tell me everything, you tell me about ME!

And that which is spoken by another would bring hate and condemnation. Coming from you brings love, grace, mercy, hope and salvation. I've heard of one to come who could save a wretch like me, and here... in my presence... you say, I AM HE..

                                   To be known is to be loved and to be loved is to be known.

And i just met you. But i love you. I don't know you, but i want to get to. Let me run back to town this is way to much just for me. There are others: brothers... sisters... lovers... haters.... The good and the bad, sinners and saints, who should hear what you've told me, who should see what you've shown me, who should taste what you gave me, who should feel how you forgave.

                                   For to be known is to be loved, and to be loved is to be known.

And they all need this, too. We all do. Need it... for our own".

I didnt write this. It was written by Chris Kinsley and Drew Francis. But as soon as i read this, i felt like i was the woman speaking. It just cut really deep to all those feelings of pain, and hurt that we hide from the world around us when everyone thinks we're fine.

I wrote this to all my ladies out there. One time or the other in your life, you will be that woman at the well. For some of you it has happened.. for some its only just happening.. for some it is ahead. And for everyone of us, it will definitely be more than once. As you take time out to read this, just think of how Jesus has come to take away all that youve felt for forever.. all the bad feelings that youve had. He loves you, and he is the only one that can lift that burden off a woman of no distinction and make her into something beautiful. He did it for me... I guarantee you, he will do it for you... and if he doesn't, then hell freezes...

Thats all about the woman at the well.. as Jesus did it.

~***shanpepe***~

THERE'S ONE FEELING THAT EVERYONE SHARES... DESPERATION.

...and you didn't read wrong.

I've been thinking about writing this blog for a while now, but i couldn't exactly make out what i wanted to write. As i sat back today and watched desperate housewives, i figured i would just write as it came... but that wasn't the only thing i figured. I figured that everyone, in one way the other in life, ...is desperate.
    Mhmm... desperate... you are desperate... and if its any consolation to you, i am too... lol... if you have a rather low level of analysis, then you're probably sitting in your chair thinking - this girl is nuts. Theres no way im desperate. and if you're a guy, you're probably sipping on your coffee thinking - this is just another one of those naiive writers. Sorry to disappoint you, but im about to say it again. We are all desperate, and that 'we'? yes hunny. it includes you.
    I've watched sooo many things happen in the 20 years that lived, and its pretty clear to me, that there is a lot we are yet to get control over. One of those things that we usually allow to overtake us, but by all mens need control over is our emotions. not very long ago, i wrote a song, and the last line in one of one of the verses went like this :- "emotions playing my enemy".
     There are so many reasons why we get so desperate... - you're desperate because you have a cheating boyfriend - desperate for fidelity. You have an ex you're trying to get over, when you both know you're stuck on each other - desperate for an end. You're waiting for that text message or that call that never comes - desperate for a reply. You're waiting for your roommate to finally say its okay that you messed her stuff up - desperate for peace. You're fighting with your friend over flimsy stuff - desperate for reconciliation. You are the fat one among all your model figure slim friends - desperate for beauty. You're the one getting the d's on all the tests - desperate for success. All your friends have them a man, and it makes you uncomfortable that you don't - desperate for love.
    As i watched the housewives today, i realised how each of them was clearly dealing with desperation, and how everyone faces it somehow. The point is, these desperations make us do certain things. Sometimes we realise that we are desperate, and we accept it, and therefore control what we do about it. Other times, we do not realise that our actions are a reflection of our desperation... not because we dont know that we are desperate, but because we dont want to admit it.
    I've spent a lot of my life in desperation... even up until recently... my professor gave y a 19 out of 25 on a podcast, and tells me thats a good grade. Im desperate for success, i dont get C's. at least my 3.8 g.p.a and my transcript say that much. the moment i give into getting C's, and accept one C grade, thier never gon stop coming. My grand pa just died a few weeks ago, and if youve been following my blog, youve prolly read about that - ... im desperate for comfort. (yes, i still think of him, and cry..) I'm struggling in school.. being so far away from home and family, and trying to get a good education. - im desperate for a good and secure future. Of course im human too.. so im desperate for love, emotional satisfaction, acceptance, all that.
     There are soo many things im desperate for.. but theres one thing above all else, that im desperate for... one thing i want... not because i can live with it, but because i cant live without it. One thing i dont want to go a day without... Im desperate... desperate for Jesus.
     Here's what im saying.. we are all very desperate for different things, and its okay to admit them.. Im not saying stand on the roof of your house and gather a crowd just to scream to them that youre desperate for a job or for a man... you'll probably be stoned till you bleed... hehe. At least, admit them to yourself, and coe to terms with the fact that youre desperate for a lot. But while you put that into perspective, remember that its important to prioritize. Don't put your desperation for meaningless things before your desperation for important things. I have admitted that im desperate... not just to myself, but to the world as well... you're prolly not the only person reading this. But at the top of my priority list is God. I'm desperate for God, and every other thing comes after that..
   So ask yourself the question... what are you desperate for?? and in what order have you put your desperations?? the actions you make everyday are a reflection of those desperations.. and believe it or not, it is clear to the world when you have misplaced priorities... trust me, there are people watching you.. everyday day that you live, and every step that you take... either because they like you and want to be like you, or because they hate you, and want to mess you up.. dont give your haters something to pick up on... #justsaying.
  
   Its totally okay to be desperate, as long as you're desperate for the right reasons, and know how to control your actions when you realise that youre desperate for the wrong ones.

oh well... guess its time to go now...
   thats all about desperation... as i do it..

~***shanpepe***~
  

SURROUNDED BY SAD PEOPLE....

Yes, you read it right...

Its Wednesday, 3rd November 2010.
Since Monday, I've been walking around school and my building, and everywhere i go, I see someone... Yh, you see people everyday too don't you? The only difference is, they are sad people. A lot of the people i've been bumping into lately are sad people.. This may sound wierd but thing about it. You see people smiling everyday, saying hi to each other, laughing at the cafeteria, and chilling on the lawns. You have no idea who these people are... you have no idea what thier backgrounds are... you have no idea what they are silently going through..
      If you dont believe me, look at your life.. Isn't there soooo much youre hiding from the world? Isnt there so much you'd rather forget, and soo much you would give a left foot not to re-live? Isn't there soo much you wish you could erase from your life and make it perfect? Isn't there soo much you're dealing with.... right now?? even as you read this?? If you answer no to any of these questions, then i'm not sure you're living life, or living it the right way...
     The person who last said hi to you after lunch may have just lost someone they love... The person you sat next to in class today may have just been through a breakup... You don't know why your roommate is working a million jobs and not spending at all? she may not have next semesters tuition. You're wondering why your friend isnt eating anything at all even when he's hungry? he may have a court hearing tomorrow.
    What i am saying in essence is this. A lot happens in peoples lives everyday. Sooo much that you can never know by just looking at them. I'm not here to preach to anyone about being thankful for what you have cause others have it worse. Im saying, understand that everyday you walk out of your apartment, you're surrounded by people with problems... you're surrounded by people that cannot face the world... you're surrounded by people that walk with thier heads down... youre surrounded... surrounded by sad people... and don't walk away from it. I'm not saying  go up to some random person and be like, "Oh hi, you're sad. tel me about your life. #kbye." You'll prolly get slapped.
     Just last night, i walked into this girl. not planned at all. Nice girl, but we are not friends... AT ALL.. we've just never been able to get along. She was sad.. and just asking her what was wrong made her cry... It made me fee terrible.. As i smiled and was grateful for doing so much work that night, someone was crying for something that i didnt even know. it pierced my heart.... Today, i said hi to one of my friends who's usually the one to scream y name across the cafeteria and come say hi to me. He didnt sound that great today, and he looked really troubled. I asked him what was wrong, and he couldnt even talk. all he did was cup his face in his hands. This too pierced my heart. It hurt me that people were sad... people around me, and yet i was inadequate. However, there was something i could do. I could encourage them, send texts, nd most of all pray for them. So, thats what i did.
    In essence, there are many people that you will come in contact with that are sad about situations that neither they or you will have control over, but theres a lot you can do to make them smile.. Send them a text message, write them a note, a bible verse, a prayer poem... dedicate a song to them, or better still write them one.. But whatever you do, never forget to pray for them. God is always willing to answer us when we pray, we just need to ask. And you never know, that little prayer you say may be the last one God needs to hear.
    We have no choice but to be surrounded by sad people, but we have a choice about what we do concerning it... to another person, you're one of those sad people... If we all could take time to pray for someone when we notice things aren't good with them, then imagine how many people would be praying for you!  or sending you text messages, writing you notes, dedicating you songs, or even a mix of all of those...
    We are all different, but theres that one thing that all the people who belong to the body of Christ have in common - Jesus. So lets use him to reach out to people - whether we love them or not.
    So, im praying for my two friends, sending them text messages... and trying to make them smile...

That all about being surrounded by sad people... as i do it..

Back to sudying...

~***shanpepe***~
    

A LETTER TO MY GRAND DAD... REST IN PEACE

Dear Grand Pa,
    As i sit and write this letter, tears stream down my eyes... and i don't even know where to start. I remember all those times when we sat and played at your feet...when you'd hug me so lovingly and call me your child... when you'd make those funny statements or call words in a funny way. i miss all those times we shared. I'm going to miss going home to see you. I'm going to miss you asking your wives to make us all the delicacies when we came to visit. I'm going to miss going to see you empty handed and coming back with something. I'm going to miss all the little things you did for us when we accomplished significant goals in our lives...
     Above all grandpa, I'm going to miss the very last time i saw you... since i got the one call that i'd been dreading for so long, the call that said that you had left me for a better place, i'd been replaying the last time i saw you. I walked into your room, and sick as you were, you sat up, with all the joy on your face... you brightened up like a lost star who had just found its shine Your eyes shined with that overwhelming joy and happiness that grandchildren bring.. You hugged me, and held my hand, and looked like you were in a cloud of glory... It wasnt just you that was happy grand pa. it was me too. I stared in your eyes and i saw hope. That kind of hope that was willing to fight its sickness... the kind of hope that was grateful for each day that it lived. The kind of hope that said how thankful it was even without words... It brightened my day... it made smile... it gave me peace... the kind of hope that said God's not done with me yet.
   When i shut the door behind me that day, i had no idea that would be the last time I'd see that promising hope, or watch a lost star find its shine... I would love to ask questions.. many questions grand pa... like why you had to be sick.. like why i had to be soooo far away... like why you had to leave me... like why... why you had to die... But i won't. Because you tasted it all... If it was the suffering and pain of this cruel world, you  surely got a bite. if it was the joy and overwhelming happiness and peace, you surely got to taste that too. If it was the blessing of children and grandchildren, you got that in abundance! and yes grand pa, If it was the bitterness and excruciating pain of sickness and disease, you tasted that too.
    I know we weren't like paper and glue, but you taught me soo much. Your strength and positive faith held it together till the giver of all life decided it was time to relieve you of your earthly duties... Yes, i cried..and i still do. because if i knew that was the last day i'll see you, id've spent all the time that the world had to give with you. id've reminded you of how much this heart really loves you... how much this heart prayed for your recovery and how much this heart wished that you would be on your feet again. Sometimes God answers no... not because he doesnt love us, but because he loves us way too much to let us go through more pain.
   When i asked my brother how you looked as a corpse, he said this in reply.. "He looked peaceful"... You just made my day grandpa. If ever you were going to leave, i wanted you to leave in peace... I know it was a very very rough journey getting to that point of never ending peace, but when i think of where you could be now, I smile and tell myself it was all worth it.I look at the timeline, and God knows that there is only one thing  i would change. If given the chance, I would show you more how much i'd loved you. I would hold your hand and say a prayer... I would sit at your feet and ask you tell me stories again.. or one more story... one last time. But i can't, and its okay... cause when we meet again, we'll start alllllll over. and this time grand pa, I promise to get it right.
     I loved you, and I still love you... and even though you're probably sitting right beside me reading this with your hand upon my shoulder, and a smile on your face, i want to let you know that i miss you... i miss you very much... and remember that hope? the one that made me smile... and that shine? the one that your lost star found... Keep those grandpa... Hold them tight. cause I'm going to need them someday.
    Finally, i hate to end this letter, and if i didn't have school work or studying to do, i'd go on for forever. before i drop this pen, there's one more thing im going to have to ask of you...

REST IN PEACE.... TILL I GET TO SEE YOU... AGAIN...

"Peace that passes all understanding... You've become comforter to me"...

With a heavy heart, but gratitude to God,
Your grand daughter,
Serumun.
  
Thats the letter to my late grand dad... as i do it...

~***shanpepe***~

FROM ABOVE...OUR FRIENDSHIP WAS MADE..

I was writing this poem doing a #2 in the bathroom, and my roommate walked in on me.. i know.. it was kinda wierd... and a toast to the dummies that don't know that a #1 = peeing. A #2 = pooping.

     Anywaiz, i wrote this poem for a friend of mine that i really appreciate... Just to clear things up, its a male friend. so when you read this, have no awkward thoughts in your head. Also, things really did happen just as they are written. Theres no salt or sugar in this poem... annnnnnnnnnnnddddddd... another toast to all those lames, who don't know that adding salt or sugar to a spoken or written piece means to add more details to make it sound more believable, or more dramatic. well, well, well, without much ado, here it is... FROM ABOVE...OUR FRIENDSHIP WAS MADE..

The first day i saw your picture, i'll call it a coincidence,

but more than a coincidence, you stuck in my mind.

The first day i saw you it was some sort of mistake,

a little more than a mistake, i fell in love with your smile.

I thought i'd never see you again, i was right, till today  haven't,

Until now you didn't know this, i make mystery my servant,

I didn't think you'd talk to me again, I was wrong, and it made me happy,

i didn't want you think i was crazy, or maybe some sort of crappy.

Before long we switched names, numbers and skype id's,

i would never have guessed in all the world we'd be great buddies,

cause a lot of times we wish for things that we can never get,

and wishing for your friendship, was like wanting more money in debt.

A lot of times I'm grateful, grateful for just the past,

even though the times we always cherish never seem to last,

If i was grateful for just today, i'd be missing a great story,

our journey from then to now, i'm still basking in it's glory.

If i was given just one chance to rewind this beautiful tape,

i wouldn't change one thing, it has been a sweet escape,

cause if fate let destiny, then i love the way it has played, 

i'm in no place to even argue, from above, our friendship was made...

Isn't it pretty?? i know you're wishing it were about you... haha.. make friends with a talent like me, and trust me, you'll get a poem written about you. its not that hard... or better still, make friends with me, and make a significant difference in my life.. thats a poem... guaranteed...
   and oh.... one more thing.. i also know that you wish you wrote this.. tooo bad! i wrote it.. so, don't steal my words, or my lines... because i said so. #kthanx.... and yessss......#######imontwitterrrrr...

           Its Saturday night, and i got a date with Jesus tomorrow morning, so i gotta go sleep.. nyteeee...

Thats about this friendship poem... as i do it..

~***shanepepe***~

I'M PROUD OF MY INTEGRITY... I DON'T WANNA LOSE IT...

   Integrity is something that a lot of people really dont understand. Don't get me wrong. i'm not saying that I'm the proooooo in knowledge regarding integrity, but i know a lot about it.. A lot that  I feel like other people don't know, and thats the reason why im about to share some knowledgeeeee... so, lets gooooooooooooooooo!!

   First of all, im a woman. or a lady yet to become a full blown woman... I would call my mom a woman... and im not even halfway there yet so yeah, im a lady.. a young lady.. There are some things that we need to understand about young ladies.. Every young lady wants to feel beautiful. Every young lady wants to feel loved and wanted. Every young lady wants to feel among her friends. Every young lady wants some degree of appreciation.. Every young lady wants respect... Every young lady wants... something.

I have felt all those before. But have you heard the saying that "It's not what happens to you that matters, but what you do with what happens to you"? you probably have, and if you havent, you just did. So yeah, what do you do about those feelings? how do you satisfy your wants and your needs as a young lady?.. thats where all this talk of integrity comes into play.

I look around me everyday and a lot of young ladies are getting things all twisted. They feel like they have to go many extra miles to satisfy those feelings that they get. Guaranteed... those feelings eat you up... i'm not denying that. But why go the extra mile to get a feeling thats only temporary? .. Here's what im talking about. If you feel wanted, and you give up yourself to someone to be wanted, its a temporary feeling. He'll want you, but once you give it all up, whats left for him to want? He wont want you  anymore, and then you'll go right back to square one - the feeling of being wanted. ...Or you want to be appreciated, so you go all out to make yourself sexy and all so everyone has something nice to say about you. You put up pictures of you half nude up on all the social networks so people can see you, think you're hot, and comment on your pictures... like that'll make you feel good. yes it does,.. ooooooh yes it does... but when the comments stop coming, you go right back to square one - wanting to be appreciated.... Or...you want to feel among your friends, so you go the extra mile to do what your friends are doing to feel so among. You struggle so hard to get enough money to buy that 100 dollar dress that everyones getting, but when the occassion is over, you go right back to square one - strugging to be and feel among...

I could give many more instances where this feelings are only satisfied temporarily, but see my point is this.. the moment you start taking extra miles and stepping ahead of yourself, ts just a cycle. you get satisfied and then in want the next minute... you're never fully satisfied.. and trust me, what every young girl wants is full satisfaction... now here's the recipe to that..

As hard as it may sound or be, you need to learn to love yourself. thats always the first step. because the major thing that pushes you to go that silly extra mile is discontentment.youre not content with yourself and you keep wanting more. you're looking so much at shaping yourself into others, than you are at shaping yourself into you.. You need to learn to be content and accept yoursef for who you are.
Secondly, you need to learn to find the confidence that lies within you. Confidence brings out the beautiful side of you automatically. it makes you who you are at youre core, and gives you more value for yourself. Thirdly, find your style and go with it... if you love to wear ugs, wear ugs. If you love to wear a lot of makeup, go for it.. do whatever makes you comfortable according to your style. dont try to change for anyone or anything..

When you find satisfaction without trying sooo hard, it'll last, because then youve found it with your natural and true person.  you're not becoming someone else, or giving something up, or trying so hard... its all just as natural as it could get. if your friends dont love you for you, find people who will.. if a man gets upset cause you wont give him sex, then he really doesnt love you... someone who loves you will definately come along. Put your clothes on, and feel beautiful and confident.. trust me, you'll get the satisfaction that youre looking for...a satisfaction that showing your nudity to the world cannot bring...

I've tried it.... and it ALL works for me... im very content, happy, and i'm living my life loving God everyday...and thats where i get my strength...

Don't try to lose your integrity because youre trying to satisfy your feelings... Integrity is very easy to lose, and very hard to keep... Don't lose it.... :-)


well thats about integrity.... as i do it..

~***shanpepe***~

ACCORDING TO ALICIA KEYS...

Are you a male or female:
...Superwoman...

Describe yourself:
...Unbreakable...

How do you feel:
...I'm just here...

Describe where you currently live?
...Streets of New York...

If you could go anywhere, where would you go:
...This bed...

Your favorite form of transportation:
...Wild horses...

Your best friend is:
...No one...

You and your best friends:
...High up on the hook...

What's the weather like:
...Another way to die....

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called:
...A Woman's Worth...As i am...

What is life to you:
...Stolen moments...

Your relationship:
...Nobody not really...

Your fear:
...Troubles...

What is the best advice you have to give:
...Someday We'll all be free...

Thought for the Day:
...Love it, or leave it alone...

How I would like to die:
...Gangsta loving...

My soul's present condition:
...Waiting for your love...

My Motto:
...Remember to forget...Karma...

For those of you who clearly don't get it and are reading this like a lost puppy, all the answers to the questions are titles of Aicia Keys' songs, hence, "ACCORDING TO ALICIA KEYS"...

So this is Alicia keys... as i do it...

~***Shanpepe***~

A common problem in our current generation - Chewing gum

Yes, I said it, nd you heard it here first. Chewing gum has become a problem that we now have to be dealing with. I'll tell you how.


A few weeks ago, i had just gotten out of chapel, was really tired and didnt feel like going to class but i did anyway, and when i got there, someone had taken my seat. Great. Obviously i wasnt having the best of days. so err, i had to seat where i didnt want to sit. as if that want enough, this one girl who sat behind me would not stop talking. When class started, i realised that she wasnt just noisy. She was an attention seeker. you know? Those girls that demand an audience no matter where they are, even if they dont deserve one. This girl? Trust me, she didnt deserve an audience. She was chewing gum, and i could literally hear it like someone was popping sounds in my ear. Why? She was chewing with her mouth open and blowing and popping bubbles.

Today, i woke up at 8:33 when i have class at 9:05 am. This isnt my usual pattern and ill tell you why. It takes me a standard 45 minutes to get ready for class  - including my shower. Plus, i live a 15 minute walk away from campus, and my class is only an hour long.. mhmmm... i'm guessing you are doing all the calculations in your head already, but yeah, i beat time. I got showered, dressed and got to class in 35 minutes.I usually dont do that in an hour so i super rushedddd... and if you know me, you'll know that i always like to have my stuff on point, so i still had to make my bed..lol.. so after rushing soo much, i get to class on time and sit down. The last thing i wanted was for anyone to do anything annoying because i really wasnt ready to deal with it. my day had already started off not so good. As soon as class started, only the professor was talking, but someones gum was too... wow...

The bottom line is, this really bothers me... obviously, thats why its on my blog. It really really bothers me. I dont want to be hearing the details of what's going on in your mouth. I never feel like it. So the next time you choose to buy gum, bubble gum, chewing gum, whatever you call it, put it in your mouth, and right after that, keep your mouth freaking shut!! Blowing bubbles in public and chewing gum with your mouth open gives others the impression of you being irresponsible and slutty. Whenever i was a kid and i chewed like that, my mom always told me to stop chewing gum like i was a prostitute...lol.. It really is disgusting having to listen to that shit. #justsaying... So thats the moral lesson.

And just incase youre wondering, NO, i don't chew with my mouth open..I chew with a perfectly closed mouth, and that has never hurt you know?

Thats all about chewing gum... as i do it..

~***Shanpepe***~

Life...as i do it...

So yeah, here it is... my blog.. dedicated specially to all those who have been asking me to create one.
i would like to say i appreciate the confidence in me to pull this off.. ow owwwwwww.... :-)

Well, as i took time out of my homework time to do this, i dont know what to write... so, imma get back to my homework now... but it'll prolly be banging soon.. not..

Pretty boring first blog but it 's cool!

This is life as i do it... cause i'm cool like that!!
<3