"I am a woman of no distinction...of little importance. I am a woman of no reputation...save that which is bad. You whisper as I pass by and cast judgmental glances, though you dont really take the time to look at me, or even get to know me.
For to be known is to be loved, and to be loved is to be known.
Otherwise, whats the point in doing either one of them in the first place? I WANT TO BE KNOWN. I want someone to look at my face and not just see two eyes, a nose, a mouth and two ears; But to see that i am.. and could be all my hopes, loves and fears.
But thats too much to hope for.. to wish for.. or pray for. So i don't... not anymore. Now i keep to myself, and by that i mean the pain that keeps me in my own private jail.. the pain thats brought me here at midday to this well.
No ask for a drink passing from these hands to your lips could ever be refreshing...only condemning, as I'm sure you condemn me now.. But you don't.
You're a man of no distinction; Though of utmost inportance. A man with little reputation, at least so far. You whisper and tell me to face what all those glances have been about, and you take the time to really look at me... but don't need to get to know.
For to be known is to be loved, and to be loved is to be known.
And you know me. You actually know me; all of me and everything about me. Every thought inside, and hair on top of my head; Every hurt stored up... every hope... every dread.. My past and my future, all i am and could be. You tell me everything, you tell me about ME!
And that which is spoken by another would bring hate and condemnation. Coming from you brings love, grace, mercy, hope and salvation. I've heard of one to come who could save a wretch like me, and here... in my presence... you say, I AM HE..
To be known is to be loved and to be loved is to be known.
And i just met you. But i love you. I don't know you, but i want to get to. Let me run back to town this is way to much just for me. There are others: brothers... sisters... lovers... haters.... The good and the bad, sinners and saints, who should hear what you've told me, who should see what you've shown me, who should taste what you gave me, who should feel how you forgave.
For to be known is to be loved, and to be loved is to be known.
And they all need this, too. We all do. Need it... for our own".
I didnt write this. It was written by Chris Kinsley and Drew Francis. But as soon as i read this, i felt like i was the woman speaking. It just cut really deep to all those feelings of pain, and hurt that we hide from the world around us when everyone thinks we're fine.
I wrote this to all my ladies out there. One time or the other in your life, you will be that woman at the well. For some of you it has happened.. for some its only just happening.. for some it is ahead. And for everyone of us, it will definitely be more than once. As you take time out to read this, just think of how Jesus has come to take away all that youve felt for forever.. all the bad feelings that youve had. He loves you, and he is the only one that can lift that burden off a woman of no distinction and make her into something beautiful. He did it for me... I guarantee you, he will do it for you... and if he doesn't, then hell freezes...
Thats all about the woman at the well.. as Jesus did it.
~***shanpepe***~
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Sunday, November 7, 2010
THERE'S ONE FEELING THAT EVERYONE SHARES... DESPERATION.
...and you didn't read wrong.
I've been thinking about writing this blog for a while now, but i couldn't exactly make out what i wanted to write. As i sat back today and watched desperate housewives, i figured i would just write as it came... but that wasn't the only thing i figured. I figured that everyone, in one way the other in life, ...is desperate.
Mhmm... desperate... you are desperate... and if its any consolation to you, i am too... lol... if you have a rather low level of analysis, then you're probably sitting in your chair thinking - this girl is nuts. Theres no way im desperate. and if you're a guy, you're probably sipping on your coffee thinking - this is just another one of those naiive writers. Sorry to disappoint you, but im about to say it again. We are all desperate, and that 'we'? yes hunny. it includes you.
I've watched sooo many things happen in the 20 years that lived, and its pretty clear to me, that there is a lot we are yet to get control over. One of those things that we usually allow to overtake us, but by all mens need control over is our emotions. not very long ago, i wrote a song, and the last line in one of one of the verses went like this :- "emotions playing my enemy".
There are so many reasons why we get so desperate... - you're desperate because you have a cheating boyfriend - desperate for fidelity. You have an ex you're trying to get over, when you both know you're stuck on each other - desperate for an end. You're waiting for that text message or that call that never comes - desperate for a reply. You're waiting for your roommate to finally say its okay that you messed her stuff up - desperate for peace. You're fighting with your friend over flimsy stuff - desperate for reconciliation. You are the fat one among all your model figure slim friends - desperate for beauty. You're the one getting the d's on all the tests - desperate for success. All your friends have them a man, and it makes you uncomfortable that you don't - desperate for love.
As i watched the housewives today, i realised how each of them was clearly dealing with desperation, and how everyone faces it somehow. The point is, these desperations make us do certain things. Sometimes we realise that we are desperate, and we accept it, and therefore control what we do about it. Other times, we do not realise that our actions are a reflection of our desperation... not because we dont know that we are desperate, but because we dont want to admit it.
I've spent a lot of my life in desperation... even up until recently... my professor gave y a 19 out of 25 on a podcast, and tells me thats a good grade. Im desperate for success, i dont get C's. at least my 3.8 g.p.a and my transcript say that much. the moment i give into getting C's, and accept one C grade, thier never gon stop coming. My grand pa just died a few weeks ago, and if youve been following my blog, youve prolly read about that - ... im desperate for comfort. (yes, i still think of him, and cry..) I'm struggling in school.. being so far away from home and family, and trying to get a good education. - im desperate for a good and secure future. Of course im human too.. so im desperate for love, emotional satisfaction, acceptance, all that.
There are soo many things im desperate for.. but theres one thing above all else, that im desperate for... one thing i want... not because i can live with it, but because i cant live without it. One thing i dont want to go a day without... Im desperate... desperate for Jesus.
Here's what im saying.. we are all very desperate for different things, and its okay to admit them.. Im not saying stand on the roof of your house and gather a crowd just to scream to them that youre desperate for a job or for a man... you'll probably be stoned till you bleed... hehe. At least, admit them to yourself, and coe to terms with the fact that youre desperate for a lot. But while you put that into perspective, remember that its important to prioritize. Don't put your desperation for meaningless things before your desperation for important things. I have admitted that im desperate... not just to myself, but to the world as well... you're prolly not the only person reading this. But at the top of my priority list is God. I'm desperate for God, and every other thing comes after that..
So ask yourself the question... what are you desperate for?? and in what order have you put your desperations?? the actions you make everyday are a reflection of those desperations.. and believe it or not, it is clear to the world when you have misplaced priorities... trust me, there are people watching you.. everyday day that you live, and every step that you take... either because they like you and want to be like you, or because they hate you, and want to mess you up.. dont give your haters something to pick up on... #justsaying.
Its totally okay to be desperate, as long as you're desperate for the right reasons, and know how to control your actions when you realise that youre desperate for the wrong ones.
oh well... guess its time to go now...
thats all about desperation... as i do it..
~***shanpepe***~
I've been thinking about writing this blog for a while now, but i couldn't exactly make out what i wanted to write. As i sat back today and watched desperate housewives, i figured i would just write as it came... but that wasn't the only thing i figured. I figured that everyone, in one way the other in life, ...is desperate.
Mhmm... desperate... you are desperate... and if its any consolation to you, i am too... lol... if you have a rather low level of analysis, then you're probably sitting in your chair thinking - this girl is nuts. Theres no way im desperate. and if you're a guy, you're probably sipping on your coffee thinking - this is just another one of those naiive writers. Sorry to disappoint you, but im about to say it again. We are all desperate, and that 'we'? yes hunny. it includes you.
I've watched sooo many things happen in the 20 years that lived, and its pretty clear to me, that there is a lot we are yet to get control over. One of those things that we usually allow to overtake us, but by all mens need control over is our emotions. not very long ago, i wrote a song, and the last line in one of one of the verses went like this :- "emotions playing my enemy".
There are so many reasons why we get so desperate... - you're desperate because you have a cheating boyfriend - desperate for fidelity. You have an ex you're trying to get over, when you both know you're stuck on each other - desperate for an end. You're waiting for that text message or that call that never comes - desperate for a reply. You're waiting for your roommate to finally say its okay that you messed her stuff up - desperate for peace. You're fighting with your friend over flimsy stuff - desperate for reconciliation. You are the fat one among all your model figure slim friends - desperate for beauty. You're the one getting the d's on all the tests - desperate for success. All your friends have them a man, and it makes you uncomfortable that you don't - desperate for love.
As i watched the housewives today, i realised how each of them was clearly dealing with desperation, and how everyone faces it somehow. The point is, these desperations make us do certain things. Sometimes we realise that we are desperate, and we accept it, and therefore control what we do about it. Other times, we do not realise that our actions are a reflection of our desperation... not because we dont know that we are desperate, but because we dont want to admit it.
I've spent a lot of my life in desperation... even up until recently... my professor gave y a 19 out of 25 on a podcast, and tells me thats a good grade. Im desperate for success, i dont get C's. at least my 3.8 g.p.a and my transcript say that much. the moment i give into getting C's, and accept one C grade, thier never gon stop coming. My grand pa just died a few weeks ago, and if youve been following my blog, youve prolly read about that - ... im desperate for comfort. (yes, i still think of him, and cry..) I'm struggling in school.. being so far away from home and family, and trying to get a good education. - im desperate for a good and secure future. Of course im human too.. so im desperate for love, emotional satisfaction, acceptance, all that.
There are soo many things im desperate for.. but theres one thing above all else, that im desperate for... one thing i want... not because i can live with it, but because i cant live without it. One thing i dont want to go a day without... Im desperate... desperate for Jesus.
Here's what im saying.. we are all very desperate for different things, and its okay to admit them.. Im not saying stand on the roof of your house and gather a crowd just to scream to them that youre desperate for a job or for a man... you'll probably be stoned till you bleed... hehe. At least, admit them to yourself, and coe to terms with the fact that youre desperate for a lot. But while you put that into perspective, remember that its important to prioritize. Don't put your desperation for meaningless things before your desperation for important things. I have admitted that im desperate... not just to myself, but to the world as well... you're prolly not the only person reading this. But at the top of my priority list is God. I'm desperate for God, and every other thing comes after that..
So ask yourself the question... what are you desperate for?? and in what order have you put your desperations?? the actions you make everyday are a reflection of those desperations.. and believe it or not, it is clear to the world when you have misplaced priorities... trust me, there are people watching you.. everyday day that you live, and every step that you take... either because they like you and want to be like you, or because they hate you, and want to mess you up.. dont give your haters something to pick up on... #justsaying.
Its totally okay to be desperate, as long as you're desperate for the right reasons, and know how to control your actions when you realise that youre desperate for the wrong ones.
oh well... guess its time to go now...
thats all about desperation... as i do it..
~***shanpepe***~
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
SURROUNDED BY SAD PEOPLE....
Yes, you read it right...
Its Wednesday, 3rd November 2010.
Since Monday, I've been walking around school and my building, and everywhere i go, I see someone... Yh, you see people everyday too don't you? The only difference is, they are sad people. A lot of the people i've been bumping into lately are sad people.. This may sound wierd but thing about it. You see people smiling everyday, saying hi to each other, laughing at the cafeteria, and chilling on the lawns. You have no idea who these people are... you have no idea what thier backgrounds are... you have no idea what they are silently going through..
If you dont believe me, look at your life.. Isn't there soooo much youre hiding from the world? Isnt there so much you'd rather forget, and soo much you would give a left foot not to re-live? Isn't there soo much you wish you could erase from your life and make it perfect? Isn't there soo much you're dealing with.... right now?? even as you read this?? If you answer no to any of these questions, then i'm not sure you're living life, or living it the right way...
The person who last said hi to you after lunch may have just lost someone they love... The person you sat next to in class today may have just been through a breakup... You don't know why your roommate is working a million jobs and not spending at all? she may not have next semesters tuition. You're wondering why your friend isnt eating anything at all even when he's hungry? he may have a court hearing tomorrow.
What i am saying in essence is this. A lot happens in peoples lives everyday. Sooo much that you can never know by just looking at them. I'm not here to preach to anyone about being thankful for what you have cause others have it worse. Im saying, understand that everyday you walk out of your apartment, you're surrounded by people with problems... you're surrounded by people that cannot face the world... you're surrounded by people that walk with thier heads down... youre surrounded... surrounded by sad people... and don't walk away from it. I'm not saying go up to some random person and be like, "Oh hi, you're sad. tel me about your life. #kbye." You'll prolly get slapped.
Just last night, i walked into this girl. not planned at all. Nice girl, but we are not friends... AT ALL.. we've just never been able to get along. She was sad.. and just asking her what was wrong made her cry... It made me fee terrible.. As i smiled and was grateful for doing so much work that night, someone was crying for something that i didnt even know. it pierced my heart.... Today, i said hi to one of my friends who's usually the one to scream y name across the cafeteria and come say hi to me. He didnt sound that great today, and he looked really troubled. I asked him what was wrong, and he couldnt even talk. all he did was cup his face in his hands. This too pierced my heart. It hurt me that people were sad... people around me, and yet i was inadequate. However, there was something i could do. I could encourage them, send texts, nd most of all pray for them. So, thats what i did.
In essence, there are many people that you will come in contact with that are sad about situations that neither they or you will have control over, but theres a lot you can do to make them smile.. Send them a text message, write them a note, a bible verse, a prayer poem... dedicate a song to them, or better still write them one.. But whatever you do, never forget to pray for them. God is always willing to answer us when we pray, we just need to ask. And you never know, that little prayer you say may be the last one God needs to hear.
We have no choice but to be surrounded by sad people, but we have a choice about what we do concerning it... to another person, you're one of those sad people... If we all could take time to pray for someone when we notice things aren't good with them, then imagine how many people would be praying for you! or sending you text messages, writing you notes, dedicating you songs, or even a mix of all of those...
We are all different, but theres that one thing that all the people who belong to the body of Christ have in common - Jesus. So lets use him to reach out to people - whether we love them or not.
So, im praying for my two friends, sending them text messages... and trying to make them smile...
That all about being surrounded by sad people... as i do it..
Back to sudying...
~***shanpepe***~
Its Wednesday, 3rd November 2010.
Since Monday, I've been walking around school and my building, and everywhere i go, I see someone... Yh, you see people everyday too don't you? The only difference is, they are sad people. A lot of the people i've been bumping into lately are sad people.. This may sound wierd but thing about it. You see people smiling everyday, saying hi to each other, laughing at the cafeteria, and chilling on the lawns. You have no idea who these people are... you have no idea what thier backgrounds are... you have no idea what they are silently going through..
If you dont believe me, look at your life.. Isn't there soooo much youre hiding from the world? Isnt there so much you'd rather forget, and soo much you would give a left foot not to re-live? Isn't there soo much you wish you could erase from your life and make it perfect? Isn't there soo much you're dealing with.... right now?? even as you read this?? If you answer no to any of these questions, then i'm not sure you're living life, or living it the right way...
The person who last said hi to you after lunch may have just lost someone they love... The person you sat next to in class today may have just been through a breakup... You don't know why your roommate is working a million jobs and not spending at all? she may not have next semesters tuition. You're wondering why your friend isnt eating anything at all even when he's hungry? he may have a court hearing tomorrow.
What i am saying in essence is this. A lot happens in peoples lives everyday. Sooo much that you can never know by just looking at them. I'm not here to preach to anyone about being thankful for what you have cause others have it worse. Im saying, understand that everyday you walk out of your apartment, you're surrounded by people with problems... you're surrounded by people that cannot face the world... you're surrounded by people that walk with thier heads down... youre surrounded... surrounded by sad people... and don't walk away from it. I'm not saying go up to some random person and be like, "Oh hi, you're sad. tel me about your life. #kbye." You'll prolly get slapped.
Just last night, i walked into this girl. not planned at all. Nice girl, but we are not friends... AT ALL.. we've just never been able to get along. She was sad.. and just asking her what was wrong made her cry... It made me fee terrible.. As i smiled and was grateful for doing so much work that night, someone was crying for something that i didnt even know. it pierced my heart.... Today, i said hi to one of my friends who's usually the one to scream y name across the cafeteria and come say hi to me. He didnt sound that great today, and he looked really troubled. I asked him what was wrong, and he couldnt even talk. all he did was cup his face in his hands. This too pierced my heart. It hurt me that people were sad... people around me, and yet i was inadequate. However, there was something i could do. I could encourage them, send texts, nd most of all pray for them. So, thats what i did.
In essence, there are many people that you will come in contact with that are sad about situations that neither they or you will have control over, but theres a lot you can do to make them smile.. Send them a text message, write them a note, a bible verse, a prayer poem... dedicate a song to them, or better still write them one.. But whatever you do, never forget to pray for them. God is always willing to answer us when we pray, we just need to ask. And you never know, that little prayer you say may be the last one God needs to hear.
We have no choice but to be surrounded by sad people, but we have a choice about what we do concerning it... to another person, you're one of those sad people... If we all could take time to pray for someone when we notice things aren't good with them, then imagine how many people would be praying for you! or sending you text messages, writing you notes, dedicating you songs, or even a mix of all of those...
We are all different, but theres that one thing that all the people who belong to the body of Christ have in common - Jesus. So lets use him to reach out to people - whether we love them or not.
So, im praying for my two friends, sending them text messages... and trying to make them smile...
That all about being surrounded by sad people... as i do it..
Back to sudying...
~***shanpepe***~
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)