Some people have actually told me I have a perfect life. Glad they noticed. (A little sarcasm in there) Truthfully though, I had a wonderful childhood, went to great schools, graduated college with a first class degree, have amazing parents who will do almost anything for me... and above all, I have Jesus. Jesus makes ALL things beautiful.
I've moved steadily through the stages of my life without qualms. As is the tradition, before every stage, I ask God for guidance, and he sees me through, no matter how incredibly hard they get. However, this stage I'm in at the moment, has to be the hardest I've been through so far.
Four and a half years ago when I made the decision to school outside the country, I knew it would be tough. I knew I'd face a lot of things that I'd have to deal with. If you're an international student, you get my drift. If you've heard me talk about my experience, you'd understand this too. A couple of months ago when I made the decision to go to graduate school where I didn't know anyone, and where I had never been before, I knew it would be tough... but I didn't know it would be this tough. Yes, it's harder than undergrad - expected; yes, its a new environment and takes some getting used to - expected; and yes, I've never been so alone in my entire life. Now this? NOT expected.
On the 11th of August, I left the bosom of my father's house and the company of some of my best friends for graduate school. Since that day, my only company has been the internet. Believe it or yes. I go to school alright, but I'm alone most of the time. I ride the bus alone, go to class and sit alone, come home alone. I go shopping alone, to restaurants alone, to church alone. The only time I meet up with people is when I have a group project. I spend my weekends cuddled up in my bed reading tweets about how much fun people are having with friends and family. I spend my evenings and nights doing homework, and readings for class. I dont remember the last time I got a hug, or had someone ask if I wanted to have lunch. This has been my life for the last 8 weeks. And for the first time today,
Don't ever wait to be all alone to understand the value that family and friends add to your life. Trust me, that company is something nothing else in the world can replace. Not the internet. Not movies. Not food. Not shopping. Not getting your hair or nails done. Not smoking a pot of shisha or taking a shot. Simply, nothing. So today, tell someone how much their company means to you. Appreciate someone for asking you to lunch, or just saying hi and putting a smile on your face. The next time you find yourself in the company of someone you who truly gives a shit about you, be sure to let them know how much you appreciate them.
You can go an eternity without breaking, but one day will surely come, when you will feel alone. Don't let it happen.
So here's a little one to all the people who actually give a shit about me. :-)
That's about my heartfelt... as i do it.
~***shanpepe***~
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You know people won't get this until they've been there before. I remember one christmas a few years back, I decided not to travel with the family for christmas. My mum and every other person travelled. My brother couldn't come home for christmas that year, even our security guard travelled down to the village. I was left all alone. Although they were gone for just a 4 days, those were the longest 4 days EVER!!! None of my friends were in town. The one's who were around were too busy to see me. It was just a very tough time for me.
ReplyDeleteThis was me home in Nigeria, I can only imagine what it's like for you. Ip pray God will send people your way help you through this time. That feeling of loneliness is just so dreadful. I'll keep you in my prayers.
Thank you!! :-)
DeleteI've never been this alone before so I probably wouldn't understand. I was in Kenya with my Dad for three months once. He was always working. I was so lonely, I couldn't bear it. So I started to hang out at the church near the house. They had a basketball court and I made friends with the people who came to play. We still keep in touch.
ReplyDeleteOh! And I'm one of those people who think you pretty much have it all. And I don't even know you well.
I hope you never have to feel this alone. This is not a feeling I want people to understand. lol It's not fun in any way, shape, or form. And I like you, so I really do hope you never have to feel like this!
DeleteAnd lol... It's the God in me! :-) But honestly, I don't have it all. I'm just learning to be content and to focus on the right things. It's hard.