A WEEK AND A HALF.

I didn't want it.

I sat in that chair letting my mind wander as she spat out all these words that sounded pretty rehearsed, but also pretty convincing. It was obvious that she had given this exact same "sermon" to a couple of other people and I knew for a fact that I wouldn't be the last. She said everything she knew I wanted to hear and a whole lot of stuff that were intended to invoke all kinds of emotions - determination, perseverance, fear, ambition. Unfortunately, I had my mind made up, and nothing she was saying was going to change it. I wasn't withdrawing my resignation.

It had been a week and a half since I'd taken the job and here I was, sitting opposite the boss, explaining that my last day was right around the corner. This job was packaged as almost everything I had hoped and prayed for - I could make thousands of dollars, I could get promoted really fast, I could be a business owner within 12 months if I was ready to do what it all required, I could get sponsored and take advantage of the work visa. I could. I was looking for an opportunity, and here was one. I had taken advantage of it. But a week and a half had taught me a really fundamental lesson.

When you go to a hotel and make a reservation, you get a room on one floor. There could be a million rooms in that hotel, but only one will have your name on it. You can get in the elevator and stop at every single floor, and get off. You can try to use your key to unlock the other doors in hopes of success. However, until you stop at your floor, and go to your room, you have no access to adequate shelter. The rest of the hotel will have things you might need - a restaurant, a fitness center, a pool, maybe even a casino or game room, but all those are just amenities. Your reservation is a room.

This job was going to give me everything I wanted for the long term, but knocking on peoples doors and convincing them that they needed a fibre optic network for cable and internet was completely uncomfortable for me. The motivation from my boss and co-workers sounded good but did nothing for me. Everyone at work thought I absolutely loved my job, but every one in my personal life knew I felt like it was a complete disaster. I have never been a quitter, and I have always understood that the only thing that brings success is hard work. My daily prayer at the moment became "God, Help me. I don't know if 'help' means another job, a change of perspective about this one, or tremendous success at it, but I need your help." As the days passed by, I began to understand that the great discomfort that came with this opportunity was no coincidence. One person had told me "Se, this job isn't your job." Another asked me, "Are you happy? Are you satisfied? Are you fulfilled?" A week and a half was all it took for me to realize that this opportunity that could eventually give me everything that I wanted, wasn't for me.

Living a life of purpose requires us to understand how to handle opportunities that come our way. Opportunities are like hotel rooms. Many opportunities are available to you in life, but not every opportunity is for you. Many of them will be far reaching, but some of them will fall on your lap on a platter of gold and shine like the miracle you have been waiting for, but until you understand that your purpose is greater than some opportunities, you will be stuck on an elevator, getting off at every floor, trying to unlock every door in hopes of success.

Prayer and the spirit of discernment are so important when making important decisions and taking advantage of opportunities that come your way. God wants you to wait on him. Sometimes he might literally place in your path things that look like all you've ever wanted, hoped, and prayed for, just to see if you will wait on him. You might have to say some hard no's and goodbye's. You might get very uncomfortable. You might have to turn around and go back to the drawing board. But waiting on God is ever so important. If you want to skip to how the story ends, this is it right here. I'm still waiting on God. I dont have a job or anything that I had hoped and prayed for, and I promise you, it gets hard trying to understand what God is doing sometimes. But then again, my business is not to try to understand what He is doing. My business is to wait on him. To wait for his plan to prevail. To wait for the right opportunity; To get off on the right floor, and open the room with my name on it. Then everything else will just be an amenity; icing on the cake.

Thats a week and a half... as i do it.

~***Shanpepe***~

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WORRY, OR WORSHIP?

201.....5.
There is motivation to do things that you've made up your mind to do. There is excitement about what is to come. There is planning and preparation for major decisions about to be made. Because another 365 days have gone by, and this marks another beginning; starting over, in a sense.

Many people brought in the new year with loved ones - at home, in times square, at that club downtown, on vacation, in church. Personally, I really wanted to cross over in church, but the service at my church was designed to end before midnight since this was our first ever new year as a church. Regardless, I was still at the service. Like me, many others of you were in church, and you probably heard powerful sermons about what the new year was going to bring. Along with other believers, you praised, you worshipped, you prayed, and you left with an immense feeling of hope and encouragement because this year was going to be a year of (fill in the blank). Being reminded about the things that God can do, and the things he has already done put you at peace because that is the God you serve.

Fast forward to today. Maybe you got woken up by bill collectors because well, the beginning of a new 365 doesn't pay your bills. Maybe you woke up hit by the reality that you still don't have a job, and it seems like every search for one ends in nothing. Maybe you woke up to the same pain in your back and still have to take that medicine. Maybe you woke up to another invitation to a wedding, and you don't even have a boyfriend or girlfriend yet. Maybe you woke up to another announcement of birth, when all you have been praying for is the fruit of the womb. Maybe you woke up to another day of struggling because your bank account keeps depleting, and nothing is coming in. Maybe you woke up to another day of wondering how you are going to make it through.... through everything, because nothing seems to be in place and frankly, you're just tired. All of a sudden, you realize that we are three days into January, and this year is beginning to look a lot like last year already. As a matter of fact, you realize that it is merely a continuation of last year. The clock changed, but your situation didn't. It is 2015, but the only thing that is different is the last digit in the year.

Away from all the emotions of being among other believers, praising, worshipping, praying, rejoicing, and feeling invincible about the new year, the realities of life start to hit, and you quickly forget that feeling of hope you left with just two days ago. All the feelings of discouragement, failure, inadequacy, hopelessness, helplessness - all the negative feelings return; and naturally too, because those feelings are what your situation is associated with. Your situation is not going to go away in the blink of an eye, and if those feelings are associated with your situation, they are going nowhere soon. Sooner than later, you start to forget what it truly feels like to be reminded of God's goodness, favor, mercy and love, because your situation feels completely devoid of it.

It is so easy to get caught up in the emotions of praising, worshipping and praying when you are surrounded by other believers doing the same thing. In that moment, it is so easy to believe that God is able, that God can do it all, that God has already done it all, that God is all you will ever need, that God will make a way, that God will... God has... God will continue to. In that moment, it is so easy for everything to seem perfect. After that moment, everyone gets in their car, drives back to their situation, and you do just the same. This is where it gets significantly harder. See, the negative feelings associated with your situation will always be there, but what you choose to do concerning them is what makes all the difference. Will you worry, or will you worship?

I learned something a couple of weeks ago about the story of Job in the Bible. There was a challenge made in the heavens, and it was about God, not Job. Satan told God, I bet if you don't bless him, he won't serve you. Job wasn't on trial. God was, and Job was just the witness. Satan left the presence of God with the ability to afflict Job anywhere and anyhow he wanted, but the very first thing he went after was Job's sheep and oxen. Why? Because Job offered, every morning, a sacrifice to God. The FIRST thing Satan wanted was Job's ability to sacrifice to God. He wanted Job's worship. In the words of William McDowell, "The enemy doesn't want your possessions. He wants your worship."

When you're out of "that moment", you will have to make a conscious decision to let your response be worship. You have to wake up to every situation and say "Yet! Will I praise you." You might have to do this every. single. day. You might even have to do this multiple times a day. You have to constantly remind yourself that you are choosing to let your response be worship. It is so much easier said than done, but that is why worshipping when things are hardest carries so much weight and power. You are human and you might forget for a split second. You might get discouraged, upset, hurt. But when you do remember to say "Yet! Will I praise you."

It is a new year, and yes, your situation might be very far from new. Things might be the same, but you can choose to let your response be different. There are people around you watching to see how you will respond in the storm. When the rain is heaviest, the hail is hardest, the thunder loudest, and the lightening brightest, will you worry, or will you worship?

"Lord, we recognize that you change us many times before you change our situation."
                        ~ William McDowell.

Yet! Will I praise you!

That is Worry? Or Worship?... as i do it.

~***shanpepe***~

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Something That Matters

There was something about the white t-shirt this lady had just handed me.

She had told the story of Toms and explained how for every pair of shoes bought, a pair was given to a child in need. But as I walked out that room that Saturday morning, the words on the t-shirt stuck way more than the story she had just told. In big light blue print, the t-shirt read: "START SOMETHING THAT MATTERS."

I couldn't put it on. I looked around as almost everyone walked out the room with their t-shirt on but resolved in my mind not to do same because it would ruin my outfit. Unlike everyone else wearing jeans and shirts, I wore an orange dress and just didn't think a white t-shirt with giant blue print across the front of it would match. So I folded it and took it with me, but all I could think about were those words: "Start something that matters." When I got home after the weekend, instead of putting it away in my closet, I unfolded the shirt and I pinned it up on my wall. Now that's typically not what people do with shirts right? They wear them. But the words on this shirt had made me think very profoundly, and everyday I woke up I wanted to be reminded.

At 18 years old, I had no idea what I wanted to be, and sometimes I add the words "when I grew up" at the end of that statement because for some reason, I felt like growing up meant doing something very significant with my life. Just when I thought I could take some time to figure it out because after all I was just 18, I would go on social media and see people accomplishing things that I wanted to accomplish but just never got the opportunity to even explore. I am sure you can see how this threw wet blankets on my aspirations.

Growing up I had big dreams. I always said, like every other ambitious person, that I wanted people to know my name. I wanted to be successful in a way that I didn't have to introduce myself when I walked into a room. I wanted flashing lights, and red carpets; nice dresses and perfect make-up; private jets and mansions. In simpler terms, I wanted the perfect life. In my late teenage years when I started to battle my frustrations with what seemed to me as my lack of success, which was derived from my own view of the perfect life, God chose a simple way to work on my heart and change my perspective. On one Saturday morning, at a breakout session at a conference, I had received a t-shirt that read: "Start something that matters."

See every time I thought about what I wanted to be, my thoughts surrounded this whole idea of fame and fortune. My drive was to do something that would make me be famous and wealthy. My determination to work hard was fueled by the life that I pictured for myself - this perfect life. But this was exactly the reason why I was watching everyone around me, but me, achieve the dreams that I had. I didn't understand purpose. Suddenly the words on one t-shirt had put things in perspective. I needed to understand who and what I was living for.

Growing up to me meant doing something significant with my life, but how I had previously measured significance was fame and wealth. Therefore, until I had a huge bank account and became a household name, I hadn't achieved anything significant. However, now I was beginning to recognize that the real measure of significance isn't fame or wealth, but something that matters; and that it wasn't necessarily something that I had to attain. It was something that I could start. Slowly, the perfect life started to mean something completely different to me. It was more about what I could give, than what I could get; more about what I could do, than what I could achieve.

Although I haven't completely arrived at a total understanding of purpose, the transformation of my mind gave a whole new meaning to my idea of significance, and that is what I really needed to understand the part that I am playing in advancing the kingdom. Our human nature makes us want to pursue the fame and the wealth, and there really is nothing wrong with that. But we need to realize that our spiritual nature calls us to lives of purpose; to make a difference around us, even if it is in the simplest way possible; to touch and change lives; to start something that matters. Would it be nice to walk into Gucci and Prada, or Louis Vuitton and pick a pair of shoes, or a purse, or maybe even sunglasses without looking at the price? Would it be nice to have dresses sold out in stores just because I wore them? Absolutely. But that isn'y my idea of the perfect life anymore. Working on something that matters, is.

So together lets change the idea of what matters. As you read this, just like TOMS challenged me, I challenge you! Start something that matters. If it's as little as a glass of water to someone working under the sun all day long, it matters. If it's as big as shelter to a homeless person, it matters. Start something that matters, then spread the word! And remember Matthew 6:33: Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and ALL other things will be added unto you!

That's Something That Matters... As I do it.


~ ***shanpepe***~

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IT'S YOUR RESPONSIBILITY...

So many things are wrong with the world today. So many things.

Racial prejudice, religious persecution, and diseases are the most popular topics on our TV screens right now. If you escape one, well, you land in another. Some people have to deal with all. It's a hard life.

I wonder what a picture perfect world would look like - Where there was a natural progression of life without disease; where we all worshipped freely and accepted the differences in each others beliefs; where we were all blind to the colour of our skin. But, I can only wonder. This picture perfect world? We can never attain it. So we try to make it the best we can. We protest for justice, sign petitions, write beautiful statuses to encourage people, and even pour ice water over our heads - because this is our world, and EVERY SINGLE LIFE matters. However, our different opinions get in the way sometimes and it becomes hard to see past them.

The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge is one that has taken social media, and the world by storm. This is a challenge where people pour a bucket of ice and water over their heads to raise awareness for Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis or Lou Gehrig's disease, which is a progressive neurodegenerative disease that affects nerve cells in the brain and spinal cord (www.alsa.org). So many people from students to celebrities have accepted this challenge which goes with making a donation. This Ice bucket challenge has raised over $40 million for ALS research! How. Amazing.

Now I am writing this post because I have seen a lot of people hating on the challenge, especially Nigerians, because some Nigerian celebrities have taken part in this awareness and fundraising challenge. I couldn't understand why anyone would hate on a good cause in the first place so I took out some time to read what people had to say. To say the least, some of the words that have been used in addressing these celebrities have been downright disgusting, but I will address three main points that people have been making.

1. "Nigerian celebrities just like to hop on the bandwagon and do what is popular."
      This is a challenge where you are nominated and have 24 hours to participate. All the Nigerian celebrities I have seen partake in the challenge have been nominated to do so, and in turn, nominate other Nigerian celebrities. It is a challenge that has become popular, and the more people do it, the more it becomes popular. It is also a challenge for a good cause. A great cause. ALS doesn't choose who it affects. We probably have people dying in Nigeria from ALS and dont even know it. If we can bring the awareness of this disease home, and contribute to the finding of a cure, I see absolutely nothing wrong with that. Bandwagon to save a life? By all means!

2. "We have more pressing issues in our country. Why aren't they raising awareness or money for Ebola? or Bringing back our girls?"
   First off, let me give you an example. Eldee, long before he accepted the Ice bucket challenge, has been posting about Ebola and how to get educated about it. Look at his facebook and instagram. That is just one person. Secondly, there is no denying that Ebola is out there and awareness needs to be created about Ebola. Ebola has been on the news - local and international. Almost every body now knows symptoms and causes, and has a rough idea what the disease is, not because celebrities were posting about it, but because it was killing people at a rapid rate and gained global attention. ALS doesn't have this kind of attention. This challenge is what has brought this disease to the limelight.
     The girls that were taken from Borno haven't been brought back. We can pray and trust God, but physically, I doubt that there is anything we can do. Or, is there? You want to rally and stand in the streets, and you want the celebrities to join you. The government doesn't even care about the families of the victims enough. You think they will care about P-Square standing in the streets demanding the girls be brought back? Meanwhile, half the people go because a celebrity is going. Why do you have to wait for a celebrity to go? To take pictures and say you saw them yeah? Why can't you leave them behind and just go and rally?

3. "So many places in Africa do not have water, and yet the nigerian celebrities are dumping water on their heads."
    The amount of water people are dumping on their heads is not going to save the world. If they didn't dump it on their heads, they'd probably flush it down the toilet or take a shower with it. It's not like they are building wells and jumping in them. People that live in places where there is no water have a problem that a bucket of water can't solve. They need wells, bore holes; sources of water that are not temporary. Now, can we raise awareness for them and build these wells, or bore holes? Absolutely! Why not? But if that bucket cannot get to them, but can raise awareness for a disease that is killing people, why not raise the awareness?

I think that as Nigerians we hold celebrities to a standard that we ourselves cannot even reach. When last did you transport a bucket of water to a village where people had no water? When last did you do something to raise awareness for ebola? When last did you try to make a change? Yes, celebrities have A LOT more influence that the lay nigerian man, but why must the responsibility always be on them? Have you asked yourself? Was it a celebrity in America that started the Ice Bucket Challenge? Someone wanted to see change, and carried it on his shoulders to start something that would bring about the change. $40 million has been raised from people dumping ice water on their heads. Our country is part of the change. But you mad?

We want our celebrities to do everything. Where are WE? If you want a challenge for awareness and fundraising for Ebola, or the girls that were taken from Borno, START SOMETHING. Come up with a plan and put it to action. That is not 2face's responsibility. Neither is it Don Jazzy's or Genevieve's. It is yours. It is mine. If we want change, we have to be the ones to bring it. If we started a challenge to raise awareness or money for a cause in our country, what's to say that they wont join in? I bet you'd want them to hop on the bandwagon if it was yours.

It's amazing how quick people are to attack the characters of these celebrities and call them names. I can't tell you the kind of alarming things I have seen people write about these celebrities, all in the name of them accepting the ALS challenge. I think it's just wrong. First of all, there are so many things that we don't know about these people. Yes we know they buy the latest cars, and they live the most luxurious lives, but what they do behind the camera's and TV's with their money, we don't know. How do you know they don't contribute to other causes? I'm not saying that they do, but because we don't know, the judgement is uncalled for. Some of them even have foundations to help in different ways in our country.

I spoke to someone who has a passion for the suffering families in Borno. Today, I saw someone on facebook who is interested in starting a cause for wells in places where people have no water. These are amazing causes that will benefit our country. Start them. If you fail, try again. Let your passion lead you. Let the potential results motivate you. Forget about what Mavin Records, Banky W or Iyanya is doing. Focus on what YOU can do to bring about change. If we all worried about ourselves more than we worried about others, change would come! If you can't make a change in your immediate environment, by all means, make a change thousands of miles away. A life is a life, no matter where in the world it is saved.

The person who started the ice bucket challenge didn't need fame or money. All he needed was a passion for ALS awareness, and willing participants, and he used whatever means he had to bring it to the fore front. Be your own voice. Be the change you want to see. We are all accountable to God. Not each other. :-)

That's your responsibility... as i do it.

***~shanpepe~***

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THEIRS, OR YOURS?

     If you go to school or went to school in a college town, you know exactly what summers are like. It's quiet, less rowdy, and campus seems like a ghost town. For a university of about 58,000 students, that is what I was expecting when I headed for the international student services office at UF a couple of weeks ago. However, it was everything but a ghost town.
     There was a ton of orange and blue everywhere, people of all ages walking, talking and laughing, and as the red hand turned to a white man and I crossed the street, the voices only got louder. I had taken summer class last year and I didn't remember this many people on campus at one time. Ever. Just then the sun shone really bright and pierced my eyes so I tucked my forehead under my palm to get some relief, and as I looked down I saw a sign with a big arrow pointing right that read "Preview." I smiled and thought to myself "These poor freshmen just about to start college have absolutely no idea what they are getting into. They are going to really hate it." Right after I thought those words, something inside me asked me "Who says?"

     If you didn't know already, I earned my undergraduate degree at a small christian college in PA, and although I loved my professors and a few friends, it wasn't my ideal college. There were a lot of things I didn't understand or agree with that were happening administratively, and if I had to do it all over, I'm certain I would go with a different institution. Lets just say that my undergraduate experience was very much less than fulfilling. My graduate experience at UF however, was the opposite. If I could do it over, my undergraduate degree would have the University of Florida at the top. Even with my fulfilling and pleasurable experience at this institution, I looked at the freshmen coming to summer preview and was instantly overcome with a sense of doubt that they would enjoy college. Simply because I didn't.
     It's amazing how quickly we attempt to project our reality on others. Or even vice versa. It doesn't work for someone, so they try to give you all the reasons why it won't work for you. Someone had a bad reaction to something, so they tell you all the bad things that happened to them. Maybe it was a college that they didn't get to with a high GPA and try to convince you that applying is a joke. Maybe they're an expert or something and quote a 95% chance that this is not the right thing for you. Yadi, yadi, yada.

     Reality can be a weird concept to wrap our minds around, but one thing we need to understand is that just like finger prints, no two are the same. We may have some shared experiences or little things in common, but our journeys are never identical. Someone else's reality should not define your perspective on life or the way you live it. God's plans for you are awesome and true, and sometimes it may not seem like it, but thats why we have faith - to believe when we start to doubt. All it takes is for one person to tell you its impossible. Then one more. Then one more. Then just one more. And sooner or later, you start to believe it. Don't let people tell you how you will fail because they failed. Don't let people tell you how you won't make it because they didn't. Don't let people dictate to you how life will go, because they just. dont. know. Refuse to let anyone but you write your story. Your legacy will have only your name on it, whether or not it is one worth remembering.

     That I didn't have the best college experience doesn't mean others won't. That was my reality, not theirs.

"You dont have to know the future, but you can trust the one who holds it."

Thats theirs or yours? ...as i do it.

~***shanpepe***~

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INVALID EXCUSES...

For the first time in my life, I felt naked. Totally, completely naked.

Because I didn't know this man. I had never met him. Yet in a crowd of thousands of college students, he was speaking to me; countering my every argument with a solution. Who exactly was this man, and how did he know this?

I sat and listened to him as he spoke. He spoke about Moses and going into the promised land. He spoke about the many excuses Moses made when God told him very clearly what he wanted him to do. God had an answer for every question, a solution for every problem, and a rebuttal for every argument. Moses wondered how he was going to do this - God said "I will show you." When he wondered who would go with him - God said "I will be with you." When he complained about a lack of resources - God said "I will provide." When he didn't think he could do it - God said "You can do all things." And when he didn't think he could see it through - God proved that his grace was sufficient.

I listened as this man spoke, and it was all just a beautiful message UNTIL he said "God is calling you to something. What excuses are you making?" It was at this moment that I realized that it all made sense. THIS was the reason why everybody was talking about Jubilee.

I had come back from christmas break earlier, and it was my last semester of college. Jubilee had happened every other year that I was here but this year, 2012, every one I had a conversation with asked me if I was going to Jubilee. I was tired of explaining that it was a little bit too expensive for me to afford at the time, and I had no sponsors, but I explained as I was asked anyway. As the weekend of February 18th 2012 got closer, I stopped by the chaplain's office one day to just say hi, and yet again, there was a conversation about jubilee. By this time I had my explanation memorized to the t just because of how much I had given it. It had become a speech. So again, I pulled it out the front of my memory, and it was so compelling it could have received an applause. He looked at me plain as day and said one sentence. "Sese, don't let money be the reason you don't go to Jubilee."

I felt defeated in my attempt to pitch my lack of finances. One person saw my excuse as irrelevant and suddenly I felt some type of way. I tried to brush it off and went back to my apartment. It wasn't 5 minutes after I walked through the door my roommate called me and asked me if I was thinking about going to Jubilee, cause everyone had been asking her about it but she didn't have that money at this time. This was when I realized that this wasn't coincidental. Maybe, just maybe, God needed me at Jubilee. It sounded funny but I decided to take a chance. My roommate and I went out looking for support. We had to write these long essays on why we wanted to go, and I didn't know how writing "because God wants me to" was going to get me three hundred and something dollars, but hey, if he wanted me to go, he'd get me there. Less than a day later, my roommate spoke to a professor about jubilee in a casual conversation just like I had with the chaplain, and he volunteered to sponsor both of us fully. Like, all of it. He was paying almost $700 for me and my roommate to go and sit in a huge room at an expensive hotel for two days with thousands of other college students, listening to speakers, and singing songs. Almost too good to be true.

Jubilee weekend was finally here. Friday had gone by, saturday had gone by, and it was now saturday night. We were going to leave sunday morning, and I started to lose hope. I felt like God wanted me at Jubilee and I was expecting something great to happen to me; something divine; something big; I had just a few hours left, and... nothing. My spirit was dampened. I had done this all for nothing.

As my roommate and I walked around the various organizations' tables before the last session for the night, I remembered I had come for Jubilee before in my freshman year, and Compassion International was usually there. So I asked my roommate if she had seen them and she said no. I randomly asked someone else at another table and she said "Oh, right there by the main auditorium entrance." So we walked over there. On the table lay all these pictures of kids that needed to be sponsored, along with pens, bracelets, and other things Compassion. Precious kids from all over the world - some older some younger; kids that needed just one person to make a commitment to be a part of their lives and support them not just financially, but spiritually as well. As I read the information, I read that sponsors were required to give a minimum of $38 a month. I asked the young man at the table if there was anyway a I could sponsor a child with a little less than $38 monthly, and he said the only way was to make a one time donation. Unfortunately. So I turned and asked my roommate if she would be willing to split the cost, and she said she honestly couldn't make the commitment at the time. So we thanked them for their time and walked into the auditorium for the last session of the night and ..... finally.

This man had been speaking about Moses, but the minute he asked the question about what God was calling us to and what excuses we were making, I realized he was talking to me. Every excuse he had up on that screen, I had just made a mere 20 minutes ago. I didn't know how I was going to sponsor a child, but God was saying He would show me. I was looking for someone to make the commitment with me, but God was saying He would go with me. I didn't have the resources to make a $38 commitment every month, but God was saying I will provide. I walked away thinking I couldn't do it, but God was saying I can do all things. In that moment it was clearer than a writing on the wall. This was why God brought me to Jubilee.

As the speaker made the alter call for people who wanted to answer God's call and stop making excuses, I knew what I needed to do, and it wasn't to walk up to the alter and accept that call. It was to walk outside the auditorium to Compassion International, and accept that call. So I got up, walked straight to Compassion's stand and told the lady with the biggest smile ever, that I would like to sponsor a child. I had the opportunity to choose whichever child I wanted, and I picked a child that had been waiting 10 months and was in need of immediate support. After that session, I went back to my hotel room, and couldn't waittttt to become a part of this little boy's life! I pulled out a pen, a sheet of paper, and wrote my first letter ever to Jhon Jairo Rojas Tamayo in Columbia.

Two years and many letters later, I have never failed, even once, in being able to support this little boy. Gods promises rendered my excuses irrelevant. Everyday I am reminded that one of the biggest blessings came into my life by God taking from me, instead of giving to me. Everyday I am reminded that living life without a purpose is meaningless. If you want to live life without a purpose, quit your job, quit school, sit at home all day, watch TV. But purposeful living involves much more than just yourself. Its more than just doing what makes you happy. It is choosing to make a difference where you can, no matter how little.

If God is calling you to something and you're making excuses,  be reminded that God's promises make your excuses invalid. Answer God's call and dont ask too many questions. An obstacle to us is only but an opportunity for him to show us just how much he is able.

That is invalid excuses... as i do it.

~***Shanpepe***~


For more information about Compassion International, click here.
For more information about Jubilee, click here. 

BUS LESSONS...

One of the things that I greatly appreciate in my life right now is Aldon, my car - and thanks to my uber amazing parents. When people try to tell me how blessed I am to have them, I respond by asking them to tell me something I dont already know! Blessed doesn't even begin to describe!!

Many people might say it's just a car, and there are many more reasons to consider myself blessed. I agree, but I'd beg to differ at the same time. You see, the struggle without a car as an international student in this country is real. You ride the bus... everywhere - To the grocery store to get some groceries and then have to ride a cab back cause you bought way too much stuff; to the mall to shop; to go see the movies; to the hospital when you're sick; to the restaurant to get some food; to the airport with your huge suitcase(s). You ride the bus EVERYWHERE. Heck if buses went through drive through's I'm sure we'd do that too.

I had to ride the bus for many years (and still do), and whether you're a regular on the bus or not, you understand that its a public means of transportation, and therefore, you get to see, come in contact with, get rubbed on, get spoken to, or even sneezed on by random people. I have experienced some of these and observed some. Thankfully, getting sneezed on is one that I observed rather than experienced, but there is a lot of other things I have observed on the bus, and one particularly bothers me immensely.

On a bus full of people, with other people getting on, someone (or some people) have their bags or stuff on seats and deliberately refuse to pick them up consequently leaving people standing.

We live in a world where the value of people and human life in general is plummeting at a rapid rate and the value of things just seems to be on the rise. In this modern day, the value we have for fellow human beings is restricted to family and close friends. People who we don't know or are not familiar with don't get any respect if they don't earn it. People who we dont know or are not familiar with come in contact with us, and we simply dont care about them because "hey, I don't know her/him." People who we don't know or are not familiar with get on the bus and need a seat but our bags need a seat way more than they do. I cannot tell you just how sick this makes me. Words fail me.

Whatever happened to loving our neighbors as ourselves? Whatever happened to treating others the way we want to be treated? Move away from the bus scenario for a little bit. Look around you, and at the news. A teenage boy gets shot because he was playing his music too loud. He couldn't be asked to turn it down? A plane goes missing and one speculation is pilot suicide. He wanted to kill himself and taking 236 (#?) innocent people with him was the best way to do it? A man catches his teenage daughter sneaking around with a boy she's supposedly dating and the way to remedy the situation is a fatal bullet to the male teen?

Now think about yourself. Everybody knows how you're treating people that you love and care about, but how are you treating complete strangers? How are you interacting with people that you know nothing about? How is your communication with a random person impacting the lives of others around you? Regaining the value of human life in the nations can only begin one person at a time. We are human and we err, and no one is completely innocent of deliberately treating someone negatively. But change cannot come until we all make up our minds to see people as valuable lives, and not just simply as people. Until we understand that a persons comfort is more important than a bag's, there's no moving forward.

I don't know what bags you're placing in peoples seats in your journey. I don't know if you see bags being placed in peoples seats and ignore them even when you have the authority to order them to be removed. Random strangers deserve to be treated as valued human beings. Whether you know them or not is irrelevant. Whether they are kind to you or not is irrelevant. Resolve in your heart to be the image of Christ to people regardless of their affiliation with you. How you treat the people already in your life is important. Anyone can be inconsiderate, have a nasty attitude, and a smart mouth. But your true test of strength of character is how you treat people that are not in your life; how you treat complete strangers.

That is bus lessons... as i do it.

~***shanpepe***~

Photo Credits

A SHADE OF A MONOCHROME...

Five years.

Until five years ago, I was just simply, a woman. 

A woman with a dream to be well educated and successful in life; a woman with a willingness to make a difference and mark the sands of time; a woman with a culture, a heart, and a nation to call home.

Five years ago, I became more than just a woman. I became a woman of color. For five years, I've been labeled and defined as a woman of color. My identity was no longer defined by my last name, where I came from, or my occupation. My dreams to be well educated and successful were dwarfed in the minds of some people who didn't believe I deserved it. What I wanted to become was suddenly limited to what I could become. When I stepped out into the world, what I had was suddenly not mine anymore. My culture belonged to the almighty past defined by anguish and suffering. My rights became secondary. My success was not guaranteed. My well being was not a priority. My life? Well its worth was debatable. My femininity was now being defined by my skin tone, and I was only beginning to understand. 

You see, I attended an american elementary school. I was exposed, from a very young age, to so many different cultures and ways of life. In my grade alone, India, Russia, Germany, England, Poland, Ethiopia, America, Lebanon and of course Nigeria, among others, were all represented, and although we made fun of each other from time to time, we were just simply classmates - learning and growing together; finding similarities in our dissimilarities. So from a young age, I knew my culture was different from many others around the world, and I found value in appreciating the culture of others.

This difference - the difference of culture - was the only difference I was ever exposed to. I knew that in some other parts of the world I wouldn't be able to serve red wine at my parties as is my custom because the majority of my attendees would be below a certain age. I knew that in some other parts of the world people worked summer jobs to buy their textbooks. I knew that in some other parts of the world, independence came at 18. I knew that in some other parts of the world, pounded yam or rice was not their sunday afternoon meal. I knew that in some other parts of the world I would be known as African or Nigerian. This, my friends, was all the difference I ever knew. 

Fast forward to five years ago, and imagine the struggle that was introduced into my life in the shape and form of identity. The only difference I knew was that of culture but all of that changed in a simple 13 hour flight that left Lagos Nigeria and landed Atlanta America. Everything I knew about who I was suddenly changed. I was an Ubwa - a lot came with my last name cause of who my parents are. I was a christian. I was Nigerian. I was 18 years old. I was. But I crossed an ocean, and all of that didn't even matter anymore. I was suddenly forced to think in a completely different light about myself because everything I thought was became wrapped up in the one thing that I never realized I was - Black.

For the first time five years ago, I was starting to realize that for years to come, I would struggle with an identity that I didn't even know was mine. And I did. But believe me when I say that this realization didn't come easy. I've had to step off the sidewalk into the grass because someone thought I wasn't worth the space. Ive had to do all the difficult work at some jobs because well, "thats just my job". Ive had to fight for fair treatment because someone just thought I didn't deserve it. I've got told by some professors that my best work is a "C" grade. I have been told to not apply for some jobs because people of color dont get hired. My success was recognized alongside my colour - like, she did this so well! ... And she's black! 

However, you know, its amazing what five years can do! I am a woman of colour. Yes. But what I've been through? No. I refuse. I refuse to accept that that theres another difference that is a part of my life besides my Nigerian or African culture. I refuse to accept that I'm less than. I refuse to accept that I'm not deserving or worth it. I refuse to be secondary. I refuse to be inferior. I refuse to constantly be second. I refuse to live my life accepting the pain and anguish of the past as my own. There's no simpler way to say it. I refuse.

I was born an original. I was born to succeed. I was born to be deserving of all the beautiful things. I was born a woman of color. I am a woman of color. But I refuse to be one. I call myself quite simply, a woman. Because thats what I am. My identity lies in the one who made me. I am the image of my maker. He loves ME. He'll never leave ME. His grace is sufficient for ME. He puts me first. He always does. So thats where I choose to be. Where my maker put ME. 

So, Let my femininity be defined by my body parts. Let my skin tone be a shade of a monochrome. Let me be just simply, a woman. With a dream that will be achieved. A woman that will change the sands of time. A woman with her heart. Her culture. Her home.

That's a shade of a monochrome... as i do it.

~***shanpepe***~

Photo Credit Photo Credit  Photo Credit

UNCOVERING THE DIRT

I love change! Moving into new apartments, starting a new job, going to a new school, experiencing different cultures; or even just more subtle change - like moving around things in my closet because I get bored of the way it looks. After all they say "The only thing that is constant in life, is change."

A couple of weeks ago, I was bored with the way my office looked. It had been the same for over 6 months and I needed a change. I wanted to make it different and more comfortable - something I would love. So when my boss walked in that day, I told her what I wanted to do, and she was willing to help me (yes, I have an amazing boss. This, I already know.) So she did. We moved things around, and I loved the end result. It was pretty close to what I wanted. 

However, when I was done and sat down to work, I realised that there was so much dirt everywhere. So much dirt hidden under things that I hadn't moved for over 6 months; So much dust and particles that was trapped in things that remained untouched for a long time; so much that I didn't want to deal with at the time. So I just kept working. BUT it bothered me - so much that I had to get up and clean up all that dirt I had uncovered by moving things around to where I wanted them to be. 

I grabbed some wet wipes and napkins and got to cleaning. As I cleaned all the dust, particles and dirt, I thought about how we as human beings go through this process of cleaning. Many times in our lives we ask God for something great, something beautiful. We ask for a certain level of comfort. We ask for something we would love. We want progress and success and accomplishments. That process of getting to where we want to be involves uncovering some dirt. When God shakes us up and moves things around in our lives, some things come up that we may not like, and as human beings we usually don't want to deal with those things. So we want the beautiful and the perfect blessings that have our names written on them, but when they uncover some dirt, we just want to reach over the dirt and grab the blessing. 

When a potter is molding a pot, the process requires a lot of dirt. If the pot remains in the dirt after molding, the purpose for which it was molded cannot be achieved. God is the potter, you are the pot, and molding you is that blessing, that progress, that achievement or accomplishment. Sometimes you're broken and getting to where you want to be means fixing. Sometimes you're just cracked, and getting to where you need to be means patching. Other times, it's nothing - God may just decide to polish you and give you a brighter shine. Which ever it is, there will be some dirt. Blessings, they come. In big and in small. But sometimes, they move things around in your life, and to fully enjoy that blessing, you have to deal with the things that are uncovered in the process. You cant grab your blessing, and sit in a pool of dirt.

After I cleaned my office up, boy was I pleased. It was preetttyy delish, and only then, could I fully enjoy the new arrangement. So hey, we all got dirt and that's okay because we all human. However, that dirt will be uncovered to get to where we want to be eventually, and the only way to move past it, is to clean it up!

So grab some napkins, wet wipes, lysol! Heck, grab some doggone bleach! Stay ready for when God decides to move things around in your life. Some dirt may be uncovered, but now, you know what to do! 

That's uncovering the dirt... as i do it.

~***shanpepe***~

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NOT BAD; JUST DIFFERENT...

   Growing up, my parents always told me that their duty was to give me the two most important things in life - Jesus and Education - and with that, I could conquer the world and achieve anything I set my mind to. Now, its common practice to want to mix the two when you have a strong belief in the former. When Jesus is your foundation, you want to get a christian education, work in an environment that reflects the attributes of Christ, etc etc. So it was in my family. My siblings and I all went to Christian schools for primary, secondary and undergraduate learning.
      Going to a non-religious affiliated school may be one of the greatest things that has happened to my growing experience. Coming to a really large public school, I had a very specific mindset: People were going to be mean and rude. My professors were not going to care about me, or give me individual time. I was going to be on my own. There were going to be no rules to protect me, or work for my benefit. There were going to be bad things happening all the time that could not be controlled. Forget about their status in the country - I'm not going to be taught the way I should be taught, because frankly, who cares? Nobody has time for that. Working on campus isn't going to be the best experience ever because well, which boss is going to give a ... about me? Just do the work and be gone. That's the mindset I was coming into a really large, non-religious affiliated public school with. But, where on God's green earth did I get this twisted, negative, mindset from? A christian institution. All I ever heard from a lot of people was how non-christian schools sucked in every aspect, but christian schools? They were great and awesome.... and better.
      Now I'm listening to these things and taking them in; after all, I had no experience of the other side. People had to know what they were talking about. So imagine my thought process when I got accepted the University of Florida. I knew what it was going to be like, and I was prepared for it. Or... so I thought, until my experience started.
      The very first person I had dealings with was the nicest woman ever. Her first sentence to me was a joke she cracked, and as I walked out the door that day she said "hey, let me know if you need anything, and please stop by anytime." (**Paraphrased, cause I don't remember her exact words**) I walked to get lunch and a girl saw me and started a conversation with me because my skirt was oh so cute! Now what was that about people being mean and rude? My professor emailed me after the first week of class wondering if everything was okay because I wasn't really participating and she was concerned because participation was 30% of my grade. I got an email from a campus job hiring a graduate assistant, and when I told her I already held a GA position, she told me that was too bad because I came in "highly recommended" by one of my professors. Another professor asked for my resume because she thought I was a good student and was willing to help me find a great internship after graduation. None of these professors did I have any sort of prior relationship with. Now what was that about professors not caring about you or giving you personal attention? I have one of the best bosses I have EVER had. What was that about bosses just wanting you for the work? I could keep going.. on and on and on.
       Why is it hard for us to see people simply as human beings that can be inherently good regardless of religious affiliation? We are not religious creatures. We are God's creatures. All of us. Jumping to conclusions about people because they may not share the same beliefs as you is not giving anyone a chance to express who they are. Christianity is not a religion. It's a culture - you carry it with you wherever you go - to a christian institution, or to a non-religious affiliated one. Just because people don't walk around with the word "christian" pasted on their foreheads (or school brochures and magazines as the case may be) doesn't mean that they are bad people without any sense of good moral judgement.
     We live in a twisted world, but the word "christian" doesn't make you a follower of Christ. The ability to shine Jesus through in a place where people don't expect that light is what makes you a part of that culture. Don't walk your journey condemning other people that are not on your path. No two people's journeys are the same, but that doesn't make any bad. It just makes them different. Slamming the character of people whom you barely know anything about doesn't portray the characteristics of the people we claim to be. Live every day trying to see the best in people, and giving them a chance to show you who they are. You never know who you're going to come in contact with, and where you'll meet them. Our business should be to preach our gospel through our lives, and not to preach against others with our words.
      Be very careful what you tell people about others. It may speak volumes about yourself.

That is not bad; just different... as i do it.

~***shanpepe***~